"Chameleon Boss "

"QUESTION: "Siggy, , I enjoyed the book by the Dr.s Rick very much. My boss is a chameleon, capable of all the behaviors described there. When a subordinate (or a superior, for that matter) tries a constructive engagement like those you recommend, Boss will immediately change to the next difficult behavior, rendering the constructive sally worthless - or making it look silly. He's very clever and I've no doubt he does this deliberately. He's a very successful industrialist who's made a bundle by knowing how to pull people's chains. Any advice?"

I have some good news and some bad news for you. First the good news: I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the book!

The bad news is that some situations are just not resolvable, and the one you describe may be one of those (although it may not be!) You have to decide if it is worth it to you to stick around, and what you want to achieve relative to the situation. If it is worth it to you to continue, give yourself a major attitude adjustment.

I encourage you to re-read the chapter on attitude adjustments, and practice a few of them ahead of time so they'll be ready when you need them. I find that keeping my sense of humor works best for me in dealing with clever difficult people. I've been known to playfully say things like "Thanks for that moment of insight into the way you think!" and "I respect your right to your opinion. And you can respect my right not to listen to it!" and then walking away.

Another thing to consider is the fact that most people are predictable, meaning that there are observable patterns of behavior over time. You might want to spend a few weeks seeing if you can anticipate the patterning, and then strategize on how to blend with that patterning with your desired outcome in mind. This could be like a fun puzzle, and you may develop such communication clarity and strength as a result of solving this puzzle that you'll feel great gratitude for the industriousness this industrialist inspired you to achieve.

By the way, there is much evidence to show that successful industrialists (and rock n' roll stars) can be real jerks, that they've practiced and perfected that ability into an artform. Go figure! In the new paradigm unfolding before us, however, a different set of skills is called for ... the ability to work together with others as a team, the capacity for leadership and creative thought, and the development of a strong sense of personal values and ethics that empowers and generates trust in others. Be someone who you respect, and, in my opinion, the rest will take care of itself.

Ask Siggy the Shrink